There are many things to be grateful "for" but, as I ripen into the season of my life, the many reasons blend into a sacred mystery. And, most deeply, I realize that living gratefully is its own blessing. - Michael Mahoney
I very slowly dropped to one knee, and was managing to pick up the scattered change when I saw a pair of chubby brown hands beside mine. They were the hands of a lovely Mexican woman who looked at me with a slight smile. Together, we picked up the change and as I thanked her and began to move back to a standing position, I found that my bad leg wouldn't support me. She quickly put her arm around me and helped me to my feet.
Within the few seconds it took for all of this to happen, my mind filled with negatives -- you're old, you're at "that" point and on and on. But the moment I became conscious of her arm around me, I was flooded with gratitude. What had begun as shame had become something entirely different. The woman looked at me kindly, nodded and went back to her shopping. It was as though this was just part of her day. I was humbled by her consideration and respect. And I thought, pass it on.
What amazed me most was the internal change that I felt. I had been humbled by my body failing, but her kindness opened my heart to a new and deeper sense of gratitude. That evening, everything took on a different glow from the salad I prepared for dinner to watching the US Open. My sense of appreciation had swelled many times over and I was glad of it. Isn't it amazing what an act of kindness can do and isn't it equally amazing that as we grow to deal with our transitioning lives, the experience of true joy can come flooding in.
A final note: at the very moment I sat down to write, my dear friend from the West Coast sent me the Michael Mahoney piece at the top of this blog. Life and its timing can be truly amazing.
Christina
Check out: http://www.gratefulness.org
This past year, growing old and its fears took second fiddle to going through ten months of breast cancer treatment. Now that treatment is done, "huh, you are getting older" greets me again. My face is definitely lined, my hair grayer, and my leap out of bed more a creak.
ReplyDeleteI walk with a slight lean, I tend to look at my feet more, and I have that edge of gravel in my voice.
When I swim with my older comrades now, most of the conversation turns to ailments and heartaches and are spoken directly to me, maybe because I have joined their club in some way by virtue of being sick myself for a while.
When asking people about good physicians to go to, gerontology was mentioned more than once and that surprised me until I remembered that oh right I am 65.
I guess I still can't get a handle on aging. I watch for it in me and in so many friends around me. I know "things are starting to break down", as they say. But so far, thank goodness that only means: hurry up and do things with those things before you can't.
Being out of treatment for only 6 days, I still have this fresh perspective on just being alive and oh so grateful to be able to walk my dog Buddy, watch the Red Sox sitting up, do errands by myself, and type sentences that actually make sense.
I feel twenty years younger. I hope it stays that way.
When I was in radiation, I chatted with an 86 year old woman who had the same schedule as mine, so we got pretty close during those daily trips to the hospital. She had had two bouts of cancer and two mastectomies, 2 chemos, and was now doing radiation a second time. She brought her ailing and forgetful but so loving husband with her each day and we played pinnacle and all laughed and talked sports and reminisced about our own past athletic prowess(es). They were inspiring--so young-- accepting and grateful yes-- but mostly just plain young. Younger than me and I'm already twenty years younger right now, right?
I've got my work cut out for me.
Such great role models. Age has no boundary when the heart is open to living each day fully.
ReplyDeleteI do not need to add words to this powerful moment. Just flows with my reflections. So much love when we de not expect it!
ReplyDeleteChristine, I hadn't been notified when you posted new writings so just today I have caught up on your postings! My of my, dear friend, what you have been through! As I have told you many times, I wish I lived nearer, for I would have visited you every day in the Rehab hospital. I know those places are not fun, and not meant to be. I think they purposely make it unbearable so you want to leave and work all the harder, as you did, and got home!! A blessed home.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find a way to keep me posted on neew postings! Love and Peace and Healing are my wishes for you!
Jeanne